Today is the first day of my World Domination Project. If you are reading this, you are in one of several groups, henchmen, minions, sidekick, subjects (see minions) or possibly arch nemesis. If you are in the arch nemesis category, beware I have low tolerance for super hero interference.
We’re going to need a few items to get started.
- My Evil Name, right now I’m going with Big Bad Evil, but it really doesn’t have the kind of poetic ring I was hoping for.
- Evil Staff
- Name for Evil Headquarters (Saying my bedroom does not strike fear or confidence in anyone’s heart.)
- World Domination Evil Plan
- A really kickin’ name for the Evil Plan to be used in indoctrination and marketing materials.
- One ring to rule them all. (If you don’t know about the one ring, you’re probably not going to fare well in the new world order.)
We may need a kickstarter account with secret decoder rings. I mean seriously think about it if of our arch nemesis is reading this, he’ll have access to our entire organization. Should we be an organization or secret society? I’m leaning toward organization, but we can be democratic about it.
I know we’ll need people strategically located in organizations around the globe (I think we should use globe it sounds more villainous than world.) We’ll definitely need a butcher, a baker and a candlestick maker. I believe historically all world domination plans started with these three guys. You know the old “One if by land or two if by sea”. We definitely need the candlestick maker.
(My apologies to the British division for the American Revolutionary War reference. Though I’m not sure you guys got the reference . You have a lot more wars to study than we do. In your history books it probably goes more like, “Got a colony, got a colony, got a colony, lost one, got a colony, got a colony, … You guys really do have it tough in the history department. Our classes basically start when Christopher Columbus took a wrong turn, yours goes back a couple thousand years.)
I’ll work on number 4. You guys work on 1. My Evil Name, 3. Name of Evil Headquarters, 5. Code name for Evil Plan and I’ll keep looking for the ring.
If you see any hobbits, hang onto them and notify me immediately.
